should i leave?

i think we're getting far. you don't fight for me like u always did. and i don't really fight for u like yesterday. we're far... we're same... and we can't be like we should be as a couple for 4 years. we just waste our time. i don't know why we should be this stupid. but i think this relationship take us to the wrong place. our relationship take us to be worse. i don't like it. i want to enjoy my life with laugh, happiness, sadness. i want to share everything but not like this. everyday we just be a good couple for a moment. and after that we mad each other. why?

worried just kill me slowly

i think i so over worried. everything looks so wrong to me. and every negative things i think it's all gonna happen to me. i don't understand how can be like that. but this is real. when i'm not do something bad and someone tell me that i did. i think again "am i did it?"

i'm not trust my self. even when i in the right position i still can't help my self.

like today. ichat's mad at me. just because peoples i follow in instagram. everything he told like "it's all my fault". but i don't even can't defend my self. BUT I NEVER DID WHAT HE TOLD ABOUT.

this is strange

we deserve to be happy

people could think like "she don't really appreciate what she had"

YES !!!

may be it's right

but they never gonna said that if they as me

if they know how much bad things in my mind

if they know how hurt to be like me

if they know how much things i can't tell

my mind is a greatest HELL

i'm a victim of my own mind

I'M GETTING INSANE??

i was found something familiar about Marshanda. Marshanda is one of most popular artist in Indonesia. she had so many sensation as a public figure (but not so many as Syahrini hahaha), but the point is people think she already crazy now. after she post her "carzy" video on youtube and divorce her husband, now she gave statment that her mom is behind of all these problem.

oh whatever, i don;t know well about their problem, but what i know is chacha had a difficult life. whatever what she told is right or wrong, i think she had a VERY BIG WAR in her mind. just like me.

she did everything to be right, she used hijab, she married

but WHAT NOW?

she getting worse. she taking off her hijab, divorced and told everything on media entertainment

that isn't right

THAT'S SO WRONG

but i could understand what she really did, how she think

we are in the same way to think, but we in a different class, family, environment

we just have a same way to thinking

when everything like against us, everything looks so wrong, live life like in prison of freedom. we can't act free. we can't be what we really are. be are wrong. but this is us. this is how we thinking. but i pretty sure. Allah have a great plan for me and for her too.

and for all the people in the world

WELCOME THESIS

i'ts like a nightmare to realize that i should focus on my thesis. I really-really want to be free of everything about collage. so many things in my mind and i don't even have a space to think about my thesis. i want to refresh my mind with everything i want. i also got depressed about JOB. after i graduate, 

then

WHAT SHOULD I DO? 

momy always said "back to Ternate and find Job in here

OMG it's such a really bad future for me, bad lifestyle.... and everything except to be always with my family. that's the big right point for me to stay in there.

but the PROBLEM is

in the reality i will not live with them forever. i will have a family, and i want to find it with my own way.

well

LIFE GETTING DIFFICULT

but once again, i should stronger

1 year past, and this is me

and this is me...

 i still lirvy with full of laugh and smile, but do still with so many problem in my mind

and these some picture about me hihihihi

i think i'm getting worse, i really don't care about anything. i just want to be happy
he hurt me more than i ever think and more than i ever felt. THIS IS HELL
but it doesn't matter, i'm getting stronger
i hate everything about love, love just makes me out of my mind. i lost my self. these 4 years i wouldn't regret it. i just want to learn in it. learn in this

EXPENSIVE EXPERIENCE

how about my life now????

once again i'm getting worse. i'm back in my gloomy life. it's hurt. it's sad. i try so hard to be better. but he break it fast. as fast as light.... i'm lonely... but it doesn't matter. i should strong. because i'm me :)

KKN is coming

when i realize that the day called KKN is coming

i'm happy

but when i felt how busy to follow the procedures,

i have a little bit mad

2 weeks after mid exam is the most exhausting days

but it okey....

i hope it will be nothing in the future