BAD THINGS

actually, when i start to wrote on my blog. i always think about bad things. may be i was accustomed with all bad things in my life. so it follows me every step in my life. i forgot to write all things when i got happy. yess!!! Happy is just a small part in my life. so when i'm happy. i forget everything. as well as to write my beloved Diary or Blog. things that can makes me happy :

* i'm happy when someone i loved hug me, said that he love me, and kiss my forehead

* i'm happy when i meet with my family. i love my family very-very much

* i'm happy when i hanging out with all my friend. doing stupid things and laugh until i'm tired

* i'm happy all about shopping

* i'm happy to design accessories, clothes, room decor, and everything about beauty

and so much more things can makes me happy. i also have so many things to makes me sad, angry, lonely etc (i have so many word about bad things)

i can't put every things that can makes me feel so bad. it's too much. i want to be free from all this feeling. it's hurt me so much. it's makes my life so dark, i don't really know how to control it. i hate everything. i had so many experience that finally makes me like 'this fuckin negative person of thinking'. but for now, YOU!!! you took a big reason for all this bad things and thinking happened to me. i can't remember well all the memories that makes me like this, but for 4 years past, you have a big role in my life.... very big Negative ROLE. but i don't even know. why i still with you, stand by you, love u, caring u. i don't understand with my fuckin mind and my fuckin love to you. i hate to love you. BUT I DID IT. 

you should feel grateful to have me. 

i'm a girlfriend that always think you are not good enough but i just stay with you even i feel all pains that you gave to me. i'm a girlfriend that always think to leave you but just to think to far away from you i'm going crazy. i'm a girlfriend that always hear bad things about you from other people and think 'yes they were right' but i don't leave you. i stay even i know you are not good enough to me. i stay even you always hurt me. I STAY FOR NO REASON. i just think may be, THIS IS THE REAL LOVE.

YOU!!!

if someday i said with all my heart and my logic "enough", if someday i really tired with you, if someday you lose me, that day you lose everything and regret is not enough.